Let Go and Let God

i was in balayan batangas, our province, last monday to thursday and my 4 day stay there was quite good.. a break from my busy, pressuring commitments and schedule here in manila, and some kind of retreat and reflection for me as well.

..alright. so i really need to retreat. i have to lower my gears, let go and let God. i realized that i was forcing my way, that's why i easily get down whenever things don't go my way. i just have to entrust everything to Him.. if she's for me, then she'll be with me.
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now, i'm definitely ei-ok.. tommorow, i'll be leaving for baguio for a 7 day reatreat and youth convention with my co-youth leaders and youth band. i'm excited 'coz i've never been there for a long time already (my last visit there i remember was when i was 7..).
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later, it's abi's birthday party at her place at Philam Homes! i'm really touched by her gesture of moving the party (which was originally set on oct25, her exact birthday) today after her knowing that i will already be leaving for baguio tomorrow morning.. haha.. i might be kind of "feeling" here but anyway, i know, i'm one of those reasons why she moved the date of the party.. thanks abi! 21 ka na! hahahaha!

haha.. probably, many don't know this song but whenever i'm in senti mood, this song is one of my favorites! (you can call me baduy! haha..)

Walang Kapalit

'wag magtaka kung ako ay di na naghihintay
sa ano mang kapalit nang inalay kong pag-ibig
kulang man ang iyong pagtingin
ang lahat sayo'y ibibigay
kahit di mo man pinapansin

wag mangamba hindi kita paghahanapan pa
nang anu mang kapalit nang inalay kong pag-ibig
sadyang ganito ang nagmamahal
di ka dapat mabahala
hinanakit saki'y walang-wala

at kung hindi man dumating sa'kin ang panahon
na ako ay mahalin mo rin
asahan mong di ako magdaramdam
kahit ako ay nasasaktan
'wag mo lang ipagkait
na ikaw ay aking mahalin

Senti Mood na Naman..

i miss her so much. she just have no idea how much i do. sometimes, i just wished, that wonderful summer we had didn't happen. i had fell in love at the wrong time and it really sucks.. yah, at first, it seems that everything's just gonna be ok but in the latter part, you get to expect or at least find for that some kind of reciprocation to the love you're giving.. and i hate that feeling. i know it's normal for many people say that love can't exist in just a one-way scenario. i don't want to believe that.. but i'm feeling it. and i really hate that feeling..
because i know, i love her so much.. that though things aren't for me this time, i have faith someday, in time, they would be. and if they don't, i wouldn't care for it's worth it to be in love with a girl like her.

..it just comes to a point that sometimes (actually, everytime!), i want to do many things for her, say all the things deep inside me, and just want to be with her, but i can't. i'm just not in the position or have the right to..

and my heart really breaks everytime i feel these..

Lessons

1 test day to go and 1st sem's finally over.. this semester indeed made me feel what it is really to be like a college student. haha. yah, it's funny that i felt this when my college life's almost done but maybe, the "graduating student pressures" are just getting started.
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met my mom and had dinner with her awhile ago.. she told me many things, new stories and developments.. despite that we were outside, i really didn't mind and besides, i couldn't stop my tears from falling anymore.. the tear session begun.

ok.. so my dad finally sold our car. what made me cry when i heard it was not because of the loss of the car itself but the reason behind why my dad sold it in the first place.. it's because of me. the gesture and that move my dad made really touched my heart. as soon as my mom and i parted ways, i texted and thanked my dad for the sacrifice he did just so i could continue my studies at UST. i love you pa..

the whole time my mom was talking to me, i was crying.. lately, it seems that my tear glands easily get ignited that i always cry nowadays.. haha! but i don't care. whenever i cry, i feel good. nakakagaan ng loob talaga..

..it's just that i realized how the Lord is really good. Things may never go our way right now but He has never really left us. i know, He's just teaching us something that in the end would really be for our good.

Lord, let me learn well those lessons and tests You're giving to us right now.

everytime i hear this song, i really get fired up and motivated within.. i love this song.. the lyrics speak for the song itself.

Dare You To Move
by Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here!

3 days to go and our finals' tests will start. i still have to catch up with my prelim grades actually and there's still our pending thesis and our cisco defense this afternoon.. but right now, i'm kinda' relax already and i don't know why.. haha! my groupmates would kill me if they read this..

yesterday, we had our defense in our software engineering and web technology subjects.. i think, it was just fine though some of the "supposed to be" features of our system weren't functioning.. haha.. but honestly, i could not ask for more to my groupmates. they all did their best. abi, our mother programmer, gave all what she could. she would always be my favorite developer ever.. not the best, but at least my favorite.. haha

Dennis, Leah, Harry, Nigel, Abi.. thanks for everything.
Thanks for all the memories Lucky Me Group!