Love always protects, it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
- 1 Corinthians 13: 7-8

May 21, 2004, friday early morning..

it's been 4 days already and this youth camp organized by the Christian Reformed Churches of the Philippines here in Laguna was indeed a success. New relationships were formed, the old ones restored, many lives were healed and changed, good and exciting events were held, don't forget the food (!,, haha), the funny and those never-ending laughing moments,, everything was just memorable.

but what summed it all up was how God finally worked through with vannie and me (or at least, for me).. He knows how attracted and interested i am with van and since the first day we've met, i've always dreamt of being close to her, talking and being with her, and just knowing more about her.. but fate and time weren't on my side that time so i realized and just believed that God always has His best plans for us, for me.. so i moved on.

This camp was His answer to my dreams and prayers. For 4 years, i've hoped and prayed that we could somehow be close and have that kind of friendship i was dreaming to have with her since that very first time our lives crossed each other's paths. i didn't know how it actually happened but suddenly, we were having this deep conversations, unconsciously being always together whenever possible, sitting beside each other during sessions,, suddenly, i knew, we were already close.

Last wednesday, one of my simple dreams was granted when she sang "so slow" while i was playing the guitar. simple it may seem but that song really means a lot to me (hmm..memories of our first youth camp together) and more, she was the one who sang.

Then that same night, during our last session for the day, the speaker told us to name the top 3 concerns we have at present to our partner (van and i were partners by the way) and all i remembered that time was that her tears suddenly filled up her innocent eyes, as she began to cry on my shoulders. i felt i could already die that moment. i had already felt what it is to be like close to her. i felt so close to God, thanking Him for her. i was beginning to fall in love with her and i was really in heaven. Everything was just so right.

Last night, my life went through one of its most memorable time ever as i finally fell in love with her. Before that night, i was already praying to God that may the last night of this camp be memorable somehow (i'm not telling that the days that had just passed was not memorable.. it's just that during the youth camps i've attended in the past, many "things" happen during "last nights" like revelations, etc.. hehe). But when we learned that there will be "lights off" policy starting 11pm, i felt sad.. and so i just went to our cabin and rested at around 10:30pm, not expecting anymore for a "memorable last night" to happen. In the middle of my sleep, i just remembered jayjay waking me up, telling me that the girls were awake and inviting me to join with their chats and bonding time. exactly 12am.. and the lights off rule? forget it, huh! But after i went outside to join with them in front of the girls cabin (which was just behind ours), i didn't know what made me stop and sit on the bench in front of our cabin instead.. maybe i didn't feel the atmosphere because they were so many,, maybe i was just sleepy, or maybe, i was wanting more than that. And so i lay down on the bench, looked above the stars and started to think and reminisce those times i was with her during the camp. After 15-30 minutes, i think, never knowing i had fallen asleep on the bench,, i remembered someone walking across our cabin, going to the drinking station. Though it was kinda' dark and my eyes were still hazy, i saw it was vannie. My heart suddenly took over as i quickly stood up and and accompanied her to drink.. nothing extraordinary, you think.. but what turned the night around was when after drinking, arriving at the front of our cabin (i knew, that would be the end of my short dream that had just happened as she would come back and join the others in front of their cabin again..),, she suddenly sat on the bench where i was lying a few minutes ago then there, everything began. we started talking anything under the sun, then came those deeper issues about our lives, opening and sharing each other's hearts to one another, and those things i never imagined i would have the courage to tell her. Hours later, it rained and everyone in front of the girl's cabin went inside their respective cabins and started to sleep.. but van and i remained. Fortunately, there was a small roof in front of our cabin, so the rain wasn't a problem. That moment, i just felt literally in dreamland. Just the two of us awake, the pouring rain, the hazy, cold, and dark atmosphere.. i would never ask for more. As we were talking, i just stared at her eyes, seeing how beautiful she is, inside out. Then there, after everything i was holding to could not anymore keep the feelings my heart is shouting for a long time, i suddenly gave in and i fell in love with her.

I've gone through a lot in my life. Those joyous and triumphant moments, and also those heartbreaking ones.. but the last night of this camp will always remain as one of the most memorable things that happened to me. i won't trade the 4 days that i'd spent here for anything more for just being close with her, looking and gazing upon her beauty, is more than enough.

..pressure's really getting into everyone already as the deadlines of our projects in school are now only few days away. but i know, we could make it through. we've been in this situation many times before. yeah, we can do it! haha.. and we'll graduate this march!

Pray Until Something Happens..
PUSH all the time!

The Most Beautiful Girl I Know

before, whenever i watch TV and see those scenes on commercials, programs, and movies wherein a "slow motion effect" happens when a certain guy sees his dreamgirl coming along the way, i used to laugh at the fuss and exaggeration they are making. i never believed that it could really happen in reality.

..but yesterday, my belief on that paricular matter proved me wrong,, and yes, it happened right in my very own eyes.

just right after the early morning service of our church, i went out of the stageworx (where our church is held every sunday) to find and chat with my youth friends who also attended the said service. from there, i did not know what had really happened, why everyone suddenly began to move so slowly. i just remembered seeing vannie coming along my way, wearing a pink blouse and a light colored skirt, walking so gracefully and beautifully, and i knew, right that very moment, i was in heaven.

i know she must have seen and felt everything i was feeling because my eyes were literally in awe that time.

God, she's really fantastic..

She is and will always be the most beautiful girl i'll ever know in my entire life..

Those 2 Long Weeks..

i'm feeling sick..

it's been nearly two weeks already since i transferred here near UST. in the house, my nephew and his cousin are my roomates, while my nephew's cousin's sister and her husband are in the other room.. got it? anyway, doesn't really matter..

i certainly hate the place.
there are many reasons like the sour smell of the place (which i'm getting used to already..), their, ahem, attitude (don't want to drop names!), and the setup of the whole place (which really gives me headache the moment i open the front door..).

But i think, i'm just exaggerating here..
..i know, i just miss our place in Cubao,, having dinner prepared already wenever i come home from school, being able to watch my favorite tv shows and listen to my radio stations, being able to play my guitar and scream to the top of my lungs, and many more..

i just miss my family..
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..i have this new band, Aikunoh. a dream come true for me actually because i have always dreamt of being a part of a 3-piece band. one basist, one guitarist, and one drummer. but i know, having this kind of band has its big challenges also because basically, it's so hard to produce a good, full, solid, and quality band music with only 3 instruments in it (in my opinion..). That's why i always liked Barbie's Cradle and those other "3-piece bands".

We've just recorded our demo tape for the band contest we'll be joining (happening on our school org's aquaintance party on october) and i think, the music's fine.. ahem! hahaha.. joke.

..hope we'll win.